Leftover Pasta.

As I sit here with a bowl of leftover pasta by my side, and a glass of fresh milk (low fat? god forbid!) on the other, I can't help but think that not everyone gets to eat penne all'amatriciana for supper.

Then again it's not really amatriciana because it doesn't have guanciale (salted pig cheek in it) or pecorino cheese. Instead mine's got smoked pork belly (bacon, pretty much) and cheddar. But hey, not like you can find those in Penang. For cheap.

Well, I won't have my brother to cook for me when I go.

I mean, my knowledge of food is relatively widespread, but it's mostly theory. I don't actually cook. I suppose I could, if I tried. But I rarely try. There's hardly a need to when I have my brother.

Great. Still hungry. Instant noodles? TEMPTING.

Is it the fate of every male in my family to start packing on flesh as he gets older? Seems that way. oh, we're all fairly muscular. Then we get fat.

I feel bad when I go the gym. The weights I struggle to do regular reps with were my warm up weights when I was 16 - 17. But I guess it's all down to how committed you are to the regime. Results don't show overnight. Most of the time. Thing is, I really feel committed to anything.

See, I'm no good at doing anything I'm not forced into doing. I suppose I lack the conviction and mental strength to push myself. Which is probably a bum deal, really. Intelligent design? Mon dieu.

Why did I even start going to the gym in the first place? Part of it, of course, was to look good for myself. And the other bigger part of it was to look good was to look good for someone else. Now? I dunno, really. It's something to do. And really, I shouldn't skip it just because my gym partner bails on me more often than not. I should just stick to it. Commit.

I'm always a bit uncomfortable in the gym. Sure, everyone feels more self-conscious there. I just feel demotivated. Because I let myself go, mostly.

I should never have stopped last year.

I'll be staying at my aunt's place in Setiawangsa next year. Of course, HELP's in Damansara. So, driving east of KLCC to Damansara everyday isn't exactly what I wanted when I said I wanted to 'travel'. But I'll be taking the DUKE highway which supposedly only takes 15 minutes at the cost of RM2 or so. And great, parking at uni's RM3 per entry. Fantastic.

I actually want to live alone, because then I'd be forced into doing all the basic necessities myself. I wouldn't have Ida (my old maid, now working for aunt) to do my laundry, to clean up any messes in the bedroom, to cook. Being around family just gives me more excuses to not forge some semblance of independence.

Hell, the being around family IS an excuse. I always have excuses.

But meh.

So much for the thought of becoming eligible bachelor, cooking great pasta on a student budget.

I dream a lot of bullshit, alright.

And who the hell was I?

"are you planning on continuing studying or are you just gonna bum around and smoke weed?"

This is why I never talk to you nicely, you assfuck Wei Jin.

Anyways, bro, chill. I'm cool, you're not, but we'll take it like you are, so s'cool.

I'll fucking act like a dick since I smoke weed and bum around and am a dead end.

There's nothing satisfying to do at 5am in the morning (anymore).

All conversations lead to bad endings.

Sitting in the car, drinking soft drinks and fries at a McDonald's drive-thru at 3am can be a nice experience.

It's been 6 days since I last blogged. I don't really have anything useful to say anymore

since I smoke weed and bum

no, not really.

A single one-hour session of shisha contains 70 times the nicotine of 1 cigarette.

When I passed the blocked-off Penang Bridge, I thought about my friends running the marathon for awhile. My kayfabe friends. Then I just stopped since I was better off just driving.

The feelings I have for all my friends in the UK resemble jealousy, bordering on hate.

I want to bury myself in Law.

Can't fucking wait for January to start.

At the same time, is it what I really want?

I've lost my mojo.

I am not a pretty boy, I cannot get girls.

I am not a pretty girl, I cannot get boys.

All my old friends got shit to say to me. And I'm not even going to list them because they wouldn't care anyway.

All my kayfabe friends.

Seen 4:44 four straight times in a row. AM, PM, AM, PM. And now, so that makes 5.

What upsets me most about life is the lack of conversation when it's 5am and I can't sleep. I mean, I had that. Now I don't. I listen to music on the iPod to sleep to make up for the silence.

Cigarettes taste like shit. Cigars less so.

Nirvana - Live at Reading.

I miss you, oh, I'm not gonna crack.

Songs of the moment:

Skinny Love - Bon Iver

Pool Swimmers - Real Estate.

Someone tell me they're nice.

'course, no one's listening in...

take me off your blogroll.

No Such Thing.

This is the most beautiful thing I've heard in a long while.

Central Ambiguity.

Last night I dreamt I was trying on perfume. I remember saying a few of the scents I was given were very average, then the sales girl asked me what would I prefer and whether I like Dior Fahrenheit.

Don't recall much else. It all flooded into my head as I was turning at the Green Lane roundabout.

As for the Melaka trip, don't really feel much like blogging about it. The company t'was alright. The trip itself left a lot to be desired. Advice: Never go to A'Famosa Resort no matter how cheap it is. It's shite.

About the best thing I got out of the holiday was learning how to play poker. I like picking up random skills. Unfortunately, I soon get too bored to hone them. So I end up having a decent repertoire of skills I'm none too competent at. In? Damnit, grammar.

Sudden craving for mushrooms and aged cheddar.

Hopefully I'll be able to play Dragon Age tomorrow. When it finishes downloading. Hopefully.

Hope is the thing with feathers, Emily Dickinson wrote. She neglected to wrote the wings were shot full of bulletholes. Just something that popped into my head.

The Star Wars universe has become so needlessly expanded. Who needs Cade Skywalker, a descendant of Luke Skywalker, a thousand years after the Battle of Yavin. And he's a bounty hunter, a rogue, a delinquent. Cool, obviously this is not a set-up in any way for him to cast aside his misguided ways and embrace the Force ala Skywalker tradition.

Obviously not.

JonKit is stuck in the middle, so his MSN says. Previously this was "You're stuck in the middle" as a reference to Michael Jackson's "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'". This change is obviously intentional and as usual with his names contains some kind of subliminal meaning he will not share with you even if you kiss him on the mouth with a bit of tongue. Not that I've tried that.

Remind me again what I'm doing with my life.

Hyper Music - Muse is such a kiss-off song. Appropriate, I suppose.

What is the deal with pretty girls? I've met my fair share. And known some. And one beautiful. Underlying all that confidence is the insecurity that everyone wants them just for sex.

This, in most cases, is true.

However, that doesn't mean there isn't more to it than fucking.

Asked a couple fellers out to Sunset later. I expect a no. (*edit at 11pm: just got told no*) Kelvin doesn't really say yes to these things most of the time. When he does, he goes crazy when we get there, in his way. Doubt Blang wants to go either. What a bleak view of friends. But hey, at least I'll feel great if they prove me wrong. That's good!

Things needed saying? Where are they? What are they? I've not heard anything yet. Or anything at all.

Well, they all run off eventually.

Inevitably.

just to spit it in your face.

YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T LOVE YOUUUUU

And I never did.

There must be a hole in my head where all the stuff comes out and leaves me vacant

First things first.

We lost. Got over it already.

Now...

I'm heading off to Melaka tomorrow. Be on the night bus. 11.30pm. Arrive around... whatever god-forsaken early morning hour the next day.

Staying at A Famosa. With friends from Inti Engineering.

Honestly, I don't remember much about Melaka the last time I was there. I was 10? I think. I don't recall anything except the chicken rice balls.

Father mentioned I should bring guitar to Melaka. Or Malacca, if you will. I have not repaired or bought a new guitar since the Foo Ming Wei incident of 2007. Hence, acoustic still lacking low E. Decided against asking JonKit since conversation will invariably die, anyway. Like a drowning rat.

*Paranoid Android - Radiohead starts playing*

Also, most of them would not know the songs I would play.

I remember how you mentioned you teared up as you heard the song playing out from an open balcony.

Reminded you of me.

I think I shall bring with me my black book. To write things in. Should I feel like.

Just been red boxed 4 times in a row on MouseHunt. Brill.

Wish Dragon Age: Origins would download faster. All 7.77GB of it.

I do not really have much to say.

Should be more driven. (by what, exactly?)

Nothing to say anymore.

Anyone listening?

More fouls should be given against Didier Drogba just for the comedic value of his reactions.

I now give a shoutout to all the women and men and strange creatures who love me.

and the unborn chicken noises in my head.

Peace out bye.

Well I Wonder.

He leans against the balcony rail, head in one hand and the orange glow of the cigarette in the other.

He thinks, how sad is it that one of his better friends talks more to his ex-girlfriend than he himself does. Not that conversation was ever the strongest part of their friendship.

Though conversation was, with her. Currently about as dry as a menopausal woman, so it goes.

He considers this. Then grunts.

There are better ways of wasting time, all things considered.

He takes a last puff of the cigarette and flicks it off the balcony, savouring the last wisps of smoke.

With a final casual rap on the rails, he walks back inside.

Dirt Off My Shoulder.

I love how easy it is to not give a fuck about something after blogging about it.

So damn easy.